Color discrimination

I wish Mr. Nelson Mandela who died on 5^th December 2013 to reborn to fight against color discrimination at domestic level this time.

I will give some real life incidents. You decide whether it is eliminated completely or we need Nelson Mandela to reborn in India to eradicate this at domestic level.

I would not have worried much about the color but some events made me think the color discrimination exist in india.

I was brought up in a joint family. All my cousins including my younger sister are all fair in color where as I was different. I have got color from my mother (It is BLACK !!!).

My paternal grandmother used to stay with us. She never used to like me, how much ever I tried to impress her (as you guys already know from my earlier blogs about my behavior)I used to wonder why she hates me so much. I think I was her last favorite grandchild among 21 grandchildren’s. Initially I used to do all the work for her, but irrespective of all this she never used to treat me like her other grandkids. Later I came to know about her obsession with fair skin.

I didn’t give much importance to my color after my grandmother’s death.

There is one more incident which many of dark colored guys would have faced which I am listing below is an another incident to prove color discrimination still exist

I am not fortunate enough to be loved by some girl before marriage because of my color and looks I guess J (after rejection of my love proposal by one girl, I stopped impressing girls). After I crossed age 29 my parents were worried about my marriage. I was not at all getting any proposals despite being registered my profile at all the possible matrimony bureau. I think my mother had given my non digitized true color photo J.

Later she requested me to have one digitized, skin color modified photo which I got it done from the nearest studio. She was happy to replace my bio data at all the bureau with her new fairer looking son’s pic J.

Phew here came one proposal within next 2 days. For next 1.5 years my profile didn’t cross first level of scrutiny. The top two reasons for rejections being Less salary (on which I have a control )and the second reason being dark complexion and bad looks (on which I didn’t have control !).

Now I am married. My wife doesn’t care about my looks or my skin color or economic status, otherwise she wouldn’t have married me because she is  beautiful, has more savings than me and has a FAIRER SKIN !!!!.

My first crush

I don’t think anyone can have their first crush (infatuation?), at such an young age ?. I had my first crush at the age of 10 J.

She was my classmate. She joined our batch for 5^th standard. Her father had a transferable job. Though she was not so attractive, she was intelligent and matured.

She was from an affluent family (Look I know about her family as well). Her father was an engineer and she had 3 elder sisters I guess, I don’t have any memory left in my brain to remember their names.

She was our class representative ( we used to call them as Monitors)Many guys in my class used to like her companionship. We used to approach her for all the simple doubts though we knew the asnwers. She never used to say no to our questions. She used to clarify our doubts with smile on her face. How much ever difficult the problem is, her approach to solve the problem used to make it very simple.

One day she has invited the entire class to her house to celebrate the Saraswathi puja, during navaratri. The actual time was at 11.00 AM, I was there at her house at 10. 00 AM J. She has decorated the entire house with color papers and balloons. After the puja there was a sweet distribution and she was the perfect host at such a young age. May be this would have impressed me. I don’t know.

Then came our exams…the most scary one. As usual I scored not too good and not too bad. But to everyone's surprise this girl came first. Am I attracted to her marks ?

Due to my fathers business in other city I had to leave this school and move to another city. My 2 year stint with my crush ended very soon.

But on my last day at school, she came running to me. She said she wants to keep in touch with me and asked me for my new address. I gave my new address.

She said she wanted to give me something and asked me to lift my hand forward and close my eyes, which I did without hesitation J

She tied a RAKHI and handed me a greeting card on which it was written “ Wish you all the very best, my brother”.!!!!!

After I joined new school in other town I have forgotten about my old school mates. May be after 3-4 months I received a letter from this girl asking me about the new schools and new friends and new town for which I didn't feel like writing back to her.

Why Boys shouldn’t cry?

I never used to think of this in my childhood. This came off to my mind after I entered college. Being a boy you should not cry. This is what I learnt in collegeL. People will judge you and you will get some nick names. Avoid crying openly in front of class mates as much as you can, if you can’t control your tears then cry when no one is seeing.

During school days I used to cry for all small things and no one used to judge me based on my emotional outbursts. But once you enter college you have to be strong enough to face all the difficulties life throws at you (Though mainly semester exam results ). There were some tough subjects I never used to understand head and tail of it. Engineering drawing was one such subject. Those three dimensional pictures, pyramids, prisms (was it there, I don’t even remember)It was one big night mare to face that exam. I some how managed to appear for the exam, results were out in few days and I had scored stamping 35 marks, instead of beaming with joy for clearing this paper in first attempt I was crying. Thank god no one saw me crying otherwise I would have been nick named as cry baby.

I got used to my inabilities to score good marks in engineering. So during following years I never cried even after getting many stamps (That’s why people say circumstances make you strong J )

Alas here comes the day when you have to say adieu to all your classmates, friends of 4 years and your teachers. On that day before leaving house I had made up my mind not to cry. I uttered to myself looking at the mirror “ I am a strong person, I am not going to cry” 3-4 times.

When I reached the college to attend our Branch function called SPECTRUM, all friends were busy preparing for the function.  Function started at around 7.00 (There was strict order from our HOD to finish before 9.00 PM)There was this one guy in our class whom we used to call as BANNA (color) who was anchoring that evening programme. He was strong enough to give a thank you speech in the end and started singing the song “KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA….KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA” a hindi song which means never say bye.

Holy shit where is this tears coming from….thank god I was not the only one crying on that day, there were others too who were crying inconsolably. I escaped one more chance of getting called by people as cry baby.

During job days I rarely got a chance to show my emotional side to my colleagues. This doesn’t mean all I had was a happy days, there were instances during recession where my closest of close friends were laid off. Those times I cried to myself .

Next time I cried was in my sister’s wedding. Knowing my weakness my sister-in-law warned me not to cry on the wedding day. To cheer me up even she had put a bet of 1000 bugs between me and my sister, whoever cries first has to pay the amount to the other.

Bang here comes the emotional moment I was sitting inside the room hiding from all the emotional drama going on in the mantap , and priest is calling out my name to say good bye to my sister. Soon after seeing me my sister started crying loudly, then my mother, father, uncles and aunts. Crap I hate this. I don’t want to be the reason for their tearsL.

Then for almost 3 years after my sister’s marriage even I had forgotten how to cry. I thought all my tears had dried up, but alas not  !!

The day when my wife was in labor pain, here comes the man otherwise supposed to be happy is crying along with his wife. I could not see my wife crying in that pain…all I could do was holding her palm tight and pressing it gently. I didn’t ask whether it helped her or not.

After 15 minutes i was holding my little prince with tears rolling down my cheek !!!!
Can anybody explain why boy's should not cry ?

I am an actor !!!!

I always want to start with a positive note. So let me start with "OM".
Haha this is how i used to begin answering my question papers in exams!!!. Because i was scared of questions.
In my life so far i am always scared of one or the other things. This made me the person  i am today.I call myself a good actor.Let me tell you how.
when i was a kid i remember i used to play a lot with my friends who are all of my age only [If you play with elders chances of you getting sidelined is more :) ]i used to play outdoor games more, where we used to break the glass windows of the neighbors, or used to beat a younger kid in our team, or get beaten from others. My mother used to get angry for all the complaints by neighbors, and used to beat me up for the all the mistakes of others because being an elder among kids in your family comes with a baggage of taking responsibilities for all the mistakes of others , need not to mention you are the first one to get beaten from your parents.
So i stopped playing outdoor games just because i was scared of my mother beating me up. I stopped playing cricket at the age of 15!!! where the other kids enjoy playing it at this age.
I started coming home soon after my schools, and never go out, sit at home and read (rather mug up)the chapters thereby scoring good marks and impress teachers !!!.[ at very young age i started living for others :( ]
Yes even at schools i was scared of teachers, because of the fear of DISRESPECT. why teachers give respect to only those who score well in exams? why not to those who sing well, dance well or do good drawing?
May be in India we can not earn our living so easily through singing, dancing or drawing.
Bull shit you get respect depending on your bank balance.
ok fear of disrespect made me a reader ,i used to read all the books which are accessible to us through school. I started liking fiction books. Because you can tell lies. OMG i like fiction just because its not real. I started liking all fake things.
Yes i am a fake person, I am an actor.
I acted like a good son, acted like a good student, acted like a good friend, acted like a good colleague.
Enough i can not act  anymore. I want to be real.
I want to lead my life the way i want it to be.Hope my wife likes this. Oh  god i can not come out of this impressing others business. I will be actor throughout my life i guess :(.